In case you have been wondering where I have been, I have been on vacation … at home! I forced myself to take a staycation last week (hence, no newsletter), unplugging for the most part from everything except things I truly wanted (or absolutely needed) to do. As far as fulfilling my desire to unplug and take a much-needed respite from reactive (as opposed to proactive) projects, my staycation was successful.
Here are 10 things I did in my new home of Rochester, NY during my staycation:
Visited my nearby plant conservatory (Lamberton). There were these quail there that simply made my heart sing. This place is a total departure from real life in all the right ways. I need more little escapes.
Went to Farm Sanctuary. I have a long history with the sanctuary; I was the Campaigns Manager there a long time ago, though I worked remotely in NYC. Visiting darling rescued animals who are given the dignity to live out the rest of their lives in peace is a powerful experience for anyone … most of all, for them.
Shopped for second-hand tchotchkes at The Lucky Flea. Went home with a tin owl sculpture, a hot pink bottle shaped like a cello, and a sticker of a butt. (What would Marie Kondo say?)
Watched the entirety of Marie Kondo’s new Netflix series. (OK, not really a staycation destination, but … it brought me joy while I stared at my new crap that I’m not getting rid of.)
Picked sunflowers to benefit Greentopia, which—amongst other things—helps youth prepare for the workforce, which it accomplishes through an urban flower farm.
Saw an exhibit at (and became a member of) the Eastman Museum. The exhibit was entitled “To Survive on This Shore: Photographs and Interviews with Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Older Adults.” It’s definitely exciting to be a new member of a museum that features forward-thinking, thought-provoking art.
Took a walk basically straight uphill to see the Cobb’s Hill Reservoir. (I only complained about my bunions a few times during the whole walk, I swear.) Rochester is really beautiful, and it is easy to get 10,000 steps a day walking around this layered city.
Ate at some outdoor cafes that are either entirely vegan (Red Fern, per usual) or vegan-friendly (Matilda, Village Bakery) and grabbed cocktails and/or fancy beer at bars with outdoor space (Swiftwater—which also boasts some impressive vegan food options—and the super-gay hotspot, Bachelor Forum).
Listened to the audiobook version of Radical Belonging: How to Survive and Thrive In an Unjust World by Lindo Bacon (founder of the Health at Every Size movement). I will talk more about this truly moving memoir in the coming weeks, but for now, I’ll just say that you should read this book immediately. Especially if you care about social justice, or have ever felt you didn’t belong. I had so many “aha!” moments while listening to this, but the main takeaway was that we must look at healing—our own and our society-at-large’s—from a lens of compassion and curiosity, understanding that shame is something we inherit and/or absorb, frequently due to a powerful collective trauma. But there are other ways forward, and Lindo gets refreshingly granular (and stunningly personal) with what that kind of radical healing can look like.
I almost forgot! I went to THE BEACH! It’s actually Lake Ontario, but my goodness is it stunning and satisfying there.
And since time off generally also provides an invitation or at least an opportunity to look within (cue the singing bowls), I did just that. And I decided that now that I’m back in “real life,” here are some changes I’d like to make moving forward:
Only say yes to things I actually want to do, even if the things I’m passing on are good opportunities. This is an ongoing, very difficult issue for me (and for so many of us). I do realize, fundamentally, that every time I say “yes” to something, I’m saying “no” to something else … but am I saying no to the right things? No, I doubt it.
Hold things more lightly. And this goes for basically everything I do—my jobs, my creative projects, my perspectives, my relationships. I am very good at clamoring and holding on tightly, and … I’m tired, y’all. I know that when I begin to let go a little, I make space for better opportunities and more authentic moments. This is also a tough one for me because my grasping is partly related to trauma and partly related to anxiety (tomato, to-mah-to), and will require ongoing work at reframing my thoughts.
Challenge myself creatively. I’m lucky enough to have many creative opportunities in my work, but I am finding that they aren’t always the type of creativity I want to explore within myself, nor the kind I want to put out into the world. What I’m trying to say is … it is kind of easy for me to skate on the surface of creative pursuits, and I am tired of that. I am not really interested in fluff, and I don’t want to pretend that fluff an artist makes. So—in addition to holding onto certain things more lightly—I need to get more regimented and focused about new creative pursuits (what was that? Did someone say fiction?).
Finally, though not a lesson I learned from staycation, this morning I received some disappointing news that threw me a bit. I actually can’t get into specifics (sorry), but let’s just say I was holding out hope that something would come through, and then it didn’t. Like winning the lottery, I knew it would be a giant long shot and I didn’t exactly expect it to actually happen … but, as I’ve written about before, I strongly believe that having hope is something we can allow ourselves to do—even when it means we are vulnerable to getting disappointed. Life is short and hope is something we can choose to opt into.
So here I am, feeling really fucking disappointed and bummed about this thing not happening, and even getting into little pockets of—dare I say—self-pity. Just a little. A tiny hint of self-pity. Teeny-tiny.
The kind that co-exists with recognizing privilege and still having goddamn gratitude and all that. But, nonetheless, there’s that voice, the one that begs the question: “Why are you doing this kind of creative work when it’s full of disappointments? Why do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? What is the fucking point, anyway? When you blow away the smoke and mirrors, what is actually left?”
Oof, I’ve been down there today … in all of those uncomfortable spots. The ones that reassure and the ones that defeat. The ones that are grounded and the ones that spiral.
But still, even now, in the midst of this aw-crap news, I do believe that we can keep hoping, keep trying, and keep going.
Sometimes despite, not because of.
xo,
jazz
P.S. I hope you can join me next week, on September 15, for the launch of the new book Antiracism in Animal Advocacy: Igniting Cultural Transformation, which I edited. Here’s more info about the virtual book launch.